Big Bird and Other Influential People…

So, I’m reading Big Bird’s book – “The Wisdom of Big Bird, and the Dark Genius of Oscar the Grouch”

Now, it’s a pretty good read… I am not too far into it, but far enough to know that I relate better to Oscar the Grouch than Big Bird. Oh, I know I know, he’s a BIRD and people tell me I am a bird… But that Oscar – he’s got some real good life lessons… not that I don’t admire Big Bird – I mean, he’s TALL. I’ve always been kinda short so I think that’s pretty cool. But he’s so NICE. I mean, like, to EVERYONE. It’s unnatural. Who can be nice ALL THE TIME?

Also, He’s always quoting famous people. Like for example, this Langston Hughes guy, who wrote “Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.” 

Ok. First of all, coming from a BIRD, this is kind of an offensive statement. We’re all supposed to be broken-winged and hobbling around with dead dreams? Personally, I have a lot of dreams… ranging from a peanut butter sandwich that actually has some jam on it from time to time (plain peanut butter gets kinda dry… and you can only dunk it in your water so many times before it gets boring) to a dream like packing my suitcase and getting away to Vegas for a few days on the red-eye (I don’t like to actually fly myself, especially with luggage – why not pay the bucks and let someone fly YOU…I am just saying) plus, Vegas has BUFFETS. This Murph digs a good buffet.

So, other than the whole stupid quoting thing, and the being too nice thing, the Bird has some good points. For example, he says “Listen to yourself”. A good piece of advice for many reasons, but the most important one is this: I am always right. Period. End of any discussion. This Murph is ALWAYS right (say it with me, people…this Murph is always right) if I say, “I am HUNGRY.” It means “I AM HUNGRY.” If I say “I am TIRED” it means “I AM TIRED.” See how that works? How can you argue this? The answer: YOU CAN’T. Another Gem from the Yellow Bird – “Find your inner Bird”. Now, if my Dad would JUST listen to this one, he’d be a lot easier to hang out with. But what can you do? You can only educate people so much, and then you’re outta luck. The Bird also says, “Try adding more feathers”. Also a good one – you can NEVER have enough feathers…sometimes, when Mom and I are watching TV together, I give her some of mine in her hair. To be honest, it IS a little bit selfish on my part to a degree – I’d be MORTIFIED if we had company and she was naked of feathers. People would be talking behind my back for months! I DO have a rep to uphold.

There is ONE area he discusses that I don’t agree with, and neither does Oscar the Grouch – and that’s “Take a pay cut”. (I TOLD you Oscar makes more sense) I mean – WHAT! It hurt me to even WRITE that phrase. Alex P. Keaton isn’t my role model for nothin’, people. Take a pay cut. WOW.

Speaking of the great Oscar the Grouch, that guy is brilliant. He lives in a can – my room is a cage with a play top on it. My little sister goes up there ALL the time and wants to “hang out”. Yeah yeah, my Mom always tells me “she looks up to you – she loves you… she thinks your wonderful”. It’s really not my fault that she thinks I am wonderful. I AM wonderful. What can I do about THAT? I don't even think that I could try NOT to be. But never-the-less, she goes up there and bugs me ALL THE TIME. If I was in a can she couldn’t do that. Plus, to further prove his brilliance – Oscar is a GROUCH. He is CRABBY. He doesn’t want to SHARE his stuff (AND JUST LIKE JOEY FROM FRIENDS,  THIS MURPH DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!) He laughs at people, he hates flowers and fluffy things and things that are nice. I AM CRABBY! I don’t like to share! I laugh at people! I hate flowers and fluffy things! THAT IS ME! Yes. Oscar is my idol and I would give anything to meet him! If anyone knows him personally, I would LOVE his autograph!

Ok, I have to add this: My Mom is yelling at me that my sister is fluffy and I don’t hate her. Well, ok, she’s right. I kinda actually LIKE her (except when she licks me) but I don’t want HER to know that! That would ruin my rep, and a guy’s gotta worry about that stuff.

Well. All-in-all, so far I am enjoying the first half of the book… we’ll see if it turns crummy from here or if it’s still as enjoyable later-on.  Right now I am off to see if my mom will give me some jam today with my peanut butter sandwich, rice krispies, and grapes… wish me luck!